I think i peed on brittanys purse
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
