Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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