The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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