I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
