it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
