he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.