we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.