she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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