can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We have started to decorate penises.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
