Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
