who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize