Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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