i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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