her vagine was all disorganized.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
