i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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