I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
