New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
