I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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