so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
