My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize