I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
