The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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