Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh god it's open bar.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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