Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
