Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
