im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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