Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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