Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
