I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
