An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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