worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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