well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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