can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
