What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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