Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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