Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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