"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
