I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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