I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
