They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
