They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
