i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you would pick up someone in the library
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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