Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
