I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
