I'm eating all of the evidence.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
