I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
