Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
