i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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