Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
