this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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