Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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