that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
