So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
false alarm. still invincible.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
