Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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