i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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