TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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