Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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