dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
