It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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