Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
