I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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