My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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