It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
