we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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