She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
