Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i will never coherently bang her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
