Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.