a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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