Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.