just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
