i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
