clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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