Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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