That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
