I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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