I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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