Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
3pm strippers are depressing
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it fun? or sober?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
