cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
