Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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