dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
