your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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