i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
