this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
