Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
