You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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