It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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