I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
