Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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